Editorial assistance from Anne Kennedy
Graphic work by Jafar Rezaye
Some updates from the NKA (The Narcotic Kingdom of Afghanistan)
In the Narcotic Kingdom of Afghanistan, which is also known as the Islamic State of Afghanistan during the day, and the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan at night, things continue to progress without regard to violence, hunger or unjust treatment of the people on a daily basis. In general, everything is fine when His Majesty Hamid Karzai and the honorable family members are fine.
The business of the honorable family continues on without any problems, obstacles or opponents, and the Partners’ Group is also happy with the Royal Family.
The general situation
on average, there may be two to five blasts in cities like Kabul, the capital of the Narcotic Territory, on a daily basis that may kill or hurt ten to twelve people. Additionally, people are dying of hunger on daily basis. However, if we compare these numbers with those of first world countries, it seems it is not a matter to be concerned about; fifty to sixty people are killed on a daily basis in accidents and incidents in first world counties like America and the UK. Therefore, the number of deaths of people in the Narcotic Territory is assumed by His Majesty to be a normal daily occurrence that could happen anywhere in the world.
In this proud territory, there is a unique system of naming the state. In most parts of territory, the name of the territory and the flag of the territory change during the night, and then change back during the day. . For the poor, it is called a “democratic elected government,” and for the religious it is called an “Islamic Government” so everyone is satisfied with the title of the land. It is one of the wonders of the contemporary global village.
His Majesty, the most fashionable king of his time with a unique costume style among 220 leaders of the world, rules most of the capital of the Opium Territory of the Kingdom during the day. At night, while His Majesty rests, the Partners’ Group takes over and changes the title and the flag of the state until the next day. Thus, life passes. These days, his Majesty’s soldiers no longer escape from the army, and his officers no longer betray the army, as recent news suggests. Recently, in order to handle the situation, and to synchronize, systematize and equalize the whole Territory, His Majesty has decided to reward the Armed Opium Growers, or The Partners’ Group, with incentives to reward them for bringing worldwide fame for the Opiumic Territory. As a result, the entire system is now equal and there is no need to worry about opposition or insurgency.
There is nothing left to betray, because the whole system is corrupt. No one is afraid to accuse someone of corruption, and so it makes no sense to distinguish between right and left. From now on, every part of the Glorious Opiumic Territory will be led by the party of Armed Opium Growers (The Partners’ Group). They have shown courage and sacrifice for the last two years, not only by blasting themselves with explosives, but also killing many others at the same time. As a result, they are exterminating the poor, and thereby poverty, in the proud Opiumic Territory, which is one of the main plans of His Majesty.
His Majesty, the world’s most fashionable leader
Among his latest reforms, His Majesty has decided to change the flag of the kingdom to reflect the many colors of his costume. His Majesty thought that black, red and green are not good colors and ordered to change the color of the flag of the proud Opiumic Territory into white so this way, every one would be seen through one eye.
Wishing an Opium-filled life for the people, His Majesty has also ordered the people to always be happy and proud, and to laugh or at least smile when friends from near or far ask them about their situation. As he explained, there is nothing in the proud Territory to be worried about. For instance, the honorable younger brother is in charge opium affairs. The honorable older brother is in charge of negotiations and of the territory with the religious relatives, as well as with the department of incentives for the Armed Opium Growers (The Partners’ Group).
This makes all parts of the Opiumic Territory the same. There will not be any fear or differences, because there will not be two sides any more. The entire territory will be given to The Partners’ Group and then everything will be all right in the country. The prince, His Majesty’s nephew, has also taken a small responsibility in the parliament and life is more comfortable than any other time in the history of the Narcotic Kingdom of Afghanistan for both the honorable family of His Majesty, as well as for the people.
When some curious people asked His Majesty about frightening sounds and explosions, His Majesty assured them that there was nothing to be worried about at all; it must be explosives used by The Partner’s Group for their economic plan to demolish poverty in the proud Territory, which will create a general improvement in community life.
If someone is hurt, or vanishes due to this plan, there is still no problem. They can just assume it is a just an accident, and accidents happen even in safe, developed countries like America or Great Britain.
In the end, wishing for a long life for the Opiumic Territory, His Majesty encourages citizens to work hard for a better harvest this year, in order to maintain the world record for the territory in the coming year.